Texts From Unbridled Minds.

Ma: You know what I think would be good? Those sloppy joes with the nacho cheese on it.

Wed, 30 May 2012 12:49:41 -0400

Ma: You know what I think would be good? Those sloppy joes with the nacho cheese on it.
Me: Oh God.

"If you are up to it, you can do it."

Tue, 01 May 2012 12:06:32 -0400

“If you are up to it, you can do it.”

- My mom’s nurse.

We were making small talk about schools and college and her daughter. She was encouraging me to pursue whatever I wanted since my degree is so general. I always appreciate simple thoughts like this. Very matter-of-fact.

(via alloftheextremes)

My ma is clearly a fan of both my driving and country music.

Tue, 03 Apr 2012 08:49:00 -0400

My ma is clearly a fan of both my driving and country music.

"A teacher who’s retiring this year- it’s ‘Mis-match Day’, she hasn’t..."

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:41:43 -0500

“A teacher who’s retiring this year- it’s ‘Mis-match Day’, she hasn’t ‘done anything fun’ this year, so she threw on a sequined leprechaun hat/big bow tie. She hears a kid tell another kid: ‘Look! It’s a lesbian!’”

Text July 19th, 2011 11:11

Fri, 22 Jul 2011 08:00:05 -0400

Ma: I think that the trainer guy on "Extreme Makeover: Fat People" wants me.... badly.
Me: You're not fat enough for him.
Ma: Hmmm... Where are those chocolate chips???....
Me: Ha Be careful... just get a fat suit maybe?
Ma: Sigh
Ma: Seriously... where are the spoons?

"I’m going to assume that the package on the front porch is a coffin-sized shipment of..."

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 19:24:00 -0400

“I’m going to assume that the package on the front porch is a coffin-sized shipment of replacement spoons brought on by your excessive guilt over your devious thievery.”

- My Ma. About the hookah I ordered. And did not tell her about. And the mysterious disappearance of the spoons in our house.

"The cat video was pathetic. How much more evidence do I need that proves cats are psychotic stupid..."

Mon, 11 Jul 2011 22:44:28 -0400

“The cat video was pathetic. How much more evidence do I need that proves cats are psychotic stupid minions of Satan?”

- My Ma in response to this video.

Text Wednesday June 7th, 2011

Wed, 08 Jun 2011 22:14:04 -0400

Ma: The nurse says it's the morphine thats making me comatose... But I ain't giving it up until I have to!!!
Ma: Have you picked a day to move in yet!!! [meant to be sent to my sister]
Ma: Oops!!!
Me:Ha
Ma: This is your brain in drugs...
Me: Lol Take it easy okay?
Ma: A deer.

Text Friday May 20th, 8:42

Fri, 20 May 2011 11:32:43 -0400

Ma: Are you ready for the Rapture tomorrow? What are you going to wear??
Me: Something slutty.
Ma: Perfect!
Me: I thought so. How about you?
Ma: [You're supposed to put out a pair of shoes on the sidewalk so people will think you got sucked up!]
Ma: I can't decide....
Me: Yeah a whole stretch of clothes ha
Ma: Pajama jeans or a bathing suit?
Me: Um... either I suppose.
Ma: With crocs of course....
Me: Naturally.
Ma: If I wear a bathing suit, I'm ready for the Ring of Fire OR the bright sun of Heaven...
Me: Oh man you're right. Now I wish I had one too....
Ma: There's still time to run to Kohls... I wonder what time zone God is using???
Me: Probably GMT.
Ma: Do you think he's a morning person? Bc I want to have one more All American Slam at Denny's....
Me: Well, if he is on GMT then really you only have until about 6PM today.
Ma: Okay thats wrong because its tomorrow.

Text. Sunday May 15th 11:24

Sun, 15 May 2011 20:13:31 -0400

Uma: Accidentally shaved my eyebrow. Debating how to recover from this with dignity.
Me: ........... Explain? Go into theater? Become Stan Sitwell?
Uma: Uh so I shaved the other one more than the original and now I have to correct the other one. I will update you later.
Me: I like you. Good luck. Send a picture if you need a fresh pair of eyes to check...
Uma: Oy vey.

Friday May 6th, 11:36

Fri, 06 May 2011 13:42:48 -0400

Ma: Felisha just said she's 1/2 Mexican [which she's not], and 1/2 "Turkey-jerky Indian"...
Ma: She meant Cherokee.

Over skype Monday April 25th 8:14

Mon, 25 Apr 2011 09:25:00 -0400

Ma: Que es el clase que tienes diaz?
Me: huh?
Ma: Que clase tienes diaz!?
Me: Oh... Economic Geography.
Ma: Is that the study of how much maps cost?

Saturday April 23, 8:50

Sat, 23 Apr 2011 16:00:06 -0400

Me: Tumblr makes time pass so quickly...
Ma: You know thats what alcoholics say about booze right?

Tuesday April 12th 18:35

Tue, 12 Apr 2011 19:35:00 -0400

Ma: Kid came up to me and said, "I smell like armpits"
Ma: I decided to take his word for it.

March 10, 2011 7:30

Thu, 10 Mar 2011 08:57:10 -0500

Ma: I want to get me some of those Lady Gaga shoulders!!
Me: You are allowed to get the hair bows and that is where I must draw the line.
Ma: I already Have those, didn't I tell you? I WANT THE SHOULDERS!!
Me: Okay, okay I guess....
Ma: They'll look good this summer with all my hot-weather wear.....
Me: Sigh.....

Thursday November 4th 06:55

Thu, 04 Nov 2010 15:17:00 -0400

Ma: Omg! Miley's parents are breaking up b/c her mom is having/did have an affair with BRETT MICHAELS!
Me: Ick. How did they even meet.
Ma: Don't tell the non-conjoined twins!!
Ma: He seems very likable - but he's STILL a man whore...
Me: He's likable. I'd hang out with him.
Ma: You don't have enough tats to hang out with him.
Ma: I hope.
Me: This one is going on the blog.
Ma: Sigh.

My mother. And my best friend from home. Who are apparently...

Sat, 09 Oct 2010 11:03:00 -0400

My mother. And my best friend from home. Who are apparently “besties”.

"Why would I be awkward? Hipster is my middle name."

Sun, 27 Jun 2010 22:53:43 -0400

“Why would I be awkward? Hipster is my middle name.”

- My mother. After I told her about my Bucktown adventure.

REPENT

Sat, 05 Jun 2010 21:55:02 -0400

LEVITICUS!

Tuesday June 1st, 21:25

Tue, 01 Jun 2010 22:25:15 -0400

Ma: I was so upset I didn't even write it down.
Me: (chuckle)
Ma: I don't know how you can possibly laugh about this.