Texts From Unbridled Minds.
May 30
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Ma:
You know what I think would be good? Those sloppy joes with the nacho cheese on it.
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Me:
Oh God.
May 01
“If you are up to it, you can do it.”
—
My mom’s nurse.
We were making small talk about schools and college and her daughter. She was encouraging me to pursue whatever I wanted since my degree is so general. I always appreciate simple thoughts like this. Very matter-of-fact.
(via alloftheextremes)
Apr 03
My ma is clearly a fan of both my driving and country music.
Feb 02
“A teacher who’s retiring this year- it’s ‘Mis-match Day’, she hasn’t ‘done anything fun’ this year, so she threw on a sequined leprechaun hat/big bow tie. She hears a kid tell another kid: ‘Look! It’s a lesbian!’”
Jul 22
Text July 19th, 2011 11:11
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Ma:
I think that the trainer guy on "Extreme Makeover: Fat People" wants me.... badly.
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Me:
You're not fat enough for him.
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Ma:
Hmmm... Where are those chocolate chips???....
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Me:
Ha Be careful... just get a fat suit maybe?
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Ma:
Sigh
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Ma:
Seriously... where are the spoons?
Jul 21
“I’m going to assume that the package on the front porch is a coffin-sized shipment of replacement spoons brought on by your excessive guilt over your devious thievery.”
— My Ma. About the hookah I ordered. And did not tell her about. And the mysterious disappearance of the spoons in our house.
Jul 11
“The cat video was pathetic. How much more evidence do I need that proves cats are psychotic stupid minions of Satan?”
— My Ma in response to this video.
Jun 08
Text Wednesday June 7th, 2011
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Ma:
The nurse says it's the morphine thats making me comatose... But I ain't giving it up until I have to!!!
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Ma:
Have you picked a day to move in yet!!! [meant to be sent to my sister]
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Ma:
Oops!!!
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Me:
Ha
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Ma:
This is your brain in drugs...
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Me:
Lol Take it easy okay?
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Ma:
A deer.
May 20
Text Friday May 20th, 8:42
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Ma:
Are you ready for the Rapture tomorrow? What are you going to wear??
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Me:
Something slutty.
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Ma:
Perfect!
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Me:
I thought so. How about you?
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Ma:
[You're supposed to put out a pair of shoes on the sidewalk so people will think you got sucked up!]
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Ma:
I can't decide....
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Me:
Yeah a whole stretch of clothes ha
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Ma:
Pajama jeans or a bathing suit?
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Me:
Um... either I suppose.
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Ma:
With crocs of course....
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Me:
Naturally.
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Ma:
If I wear a bathing suit, I'm ready for the Ring of Fire OR the bright sun of Heaven...
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Me:
Oh man you're right. Now I wish I had one too....
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Ma:
There's still time to run to Kohls... I wonder what time zone God is using???
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Me:
Probably GMT.
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Ma:
Do you think he's a morning person? Bc I want to have one more All American Slam at Denny's....
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Me:
Well, if he is on GMT then really you only have until about 6PM today.
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Ma:
Okay thats wrong because its tomorrow.
May 15
Text. Sunday May 15th 11:24
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Uma:
Accidentally shaved my eyebrow. Debating how to recover from this with dignity.
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Me:
........... Explain? Go into theater? Become Stan Sitwell?
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Uma:
Uh so I shaved the other one more than the original and now I have to correct the other one. I will update you later.
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Me:
I like you. Good luck. Send a picture if you need a fresh pair of eyes to check...
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Uma:
Oy vey.
