Ma: I think that the trainer guy on "Extreme Makeover: Fat People" wants me.... badly.
Me: You're not fat enough for him.
Ma: Hmmm... Where are those chocolate chips???....
Me: Ha Be careful... just get a fat suit maybe?
Ma: Sigh
Ma: Seriously... where are the spoons?
Ma: The nurse says it's the morphine thats making me comatose... But I ain't giving it up until I have to!!!
Ma: Have you picked a day to move in yet!!! [meant to be sent to my sister]
Ma: Oops!!!
Me: Ha
Ma: This is your brain in drugs...
Me: Lol Take it easy okay?
Ma: A deer.
Ma: Are you ready for the Rapture tomorrow? What are you going to wear??
Me: Something slutty.
Ma: Perfect!
Me: I thought so. How about you?
Ma: [You're supposed to put out a pair of shoes on the sidewalk so people will think you got sucked up!]
Ma: I can't decide....
Me: Yeah a whole stretch of clothes ha
Ma: Pajama jeans or a bathing suit?
Me: Um... either I suppose.
Ma: With crocs of course....
Me: Naturally.
Ma: If I wear a bathing suit, I'm ready for the Ring of Fire OR the bright sun of Heaven...
Me: Oh man you're right. Now I wish I had one too....
Ma: There's still time to run to Kohls... I wonder what time zone God is using???
Me: Probably GMT.
Ma: Do you think he's a morning person? Bc I want to have one more All American Slam at Denny's....
Me: Well, if he is on GMT then really you only have until about 6PM today.
Ma: Okay thats wrong because its tomorrow.
Uma: Accidentally shaved my eyebrow. Debating how to recover from this with dignity.
Me: ........... Explain? Go into theater? Become Stan Sitwell?
Uma: Uh so I shaved the other one more than the original and now I have to correct the other one. I will update you later.
Me: I like you. Good luck. Send a picture if you need a fresh pair of eyes to check...
Uma: Oy vey.
Ma: Felisha just said she's 1/2 Mexican [which she's not], and 1/2 "Turkey-jerky Indian"...
Ma: She meant Cherokee.
Ma: Que es el clase que tienes diaz?
Me: huh?
Ma: Que clase tienes diaz!?
Me: Oh... Economic Geography.
Ma: Is that the study of how much maps cost?
Me: Tumblr makes time pass so quickly...
Ma: You know thats what alcoholics say about booze right?
Ma: Kid came up to me and said, "I smell like armpits"
Ma: I decided to take his word for it.
